We're So Screwed
by Silbern
Summary: The first day of either College or University can be a hassle. This definitely goes for two Step Brothers, Mark and Chad. They are plunged head first into a conflicted country of Skyrim when it needs heroes the most. Rated for Language


**Chapter** 1

"Are we there yet?"

"If you ask that again I will punt you out of this car"

Silence filled the small compact car as it drove down the highway. The radio has long been broken and with only the occupants of the car for entertainment it seemed unavoidable.

"Are we there yet?"

"Mark, shut the hell up you nerd!" The driver shouted as he raised a fist to emphasize his point. Letting out a deep breath to try to calm himself down seemed only to work so much before the passenger opened his mouth again.

"My apologies" Mark said as he let his gaze turn to his window as he smiled. It was incredibly easy to piss off his step brother Chad and lord did he love to do it.

The two step-brothers were ying and yang. Mark was going to become a scientist as he could easily outsmart not only all of his high school peers but most of the staff as well. This being said, his social life was, to be blunt, non-existent. Chad on the other hand was the Jock who got the girls and played football. He often had to pummel other guys for picking on his brother which got him the name "Pit bull the Guard Dog".

Chad's Father meet Mark's mother on a business trip and the rest is history as the two butted heads ever since. For every punch to the arm from Chad, Mark easily said some large words to confuse Chad. It was almost attrition as no ground was given but it all seem to stop as they graduated High School and went their own ways. Which brings us to the present where Chad is dropping Mark off with all of his stuff to the dorms.

"I noticed a wooden box with your name on it in the trunk. What is in it?" Chad asked as he leaned a hand out of the window. His brown hair being played around by the wind.

"I do not know. My Grandfather gave it to me without exactly explaining as to it's contents." Mark explained with little to no interest in the conversation. He just counted signs or did some equations in his head to pass the time.

"How do you not know? It could be money in there!" Chad thought of the possibilities but knew better. His step-Grandfather was always giving them the strangest tales of a place called Cyrodiil. He just always thought the man was a loonie bin but his stories of delving into mines and mountain tunnels were always good to pass the time.

"Judging by the size of the container I can only divulge that it contains Novels or some sort of journal of his. Maybe he has written down all of his fake adventures and stories." Mark explained his guess as to the contents of the wooden box. What he didn't say was that he was also extremely interested in what was in the box but he would restrain himself until later tonight when Chad would leave.

"What? Did you give it a X-ray scan or something?" Chad chuckled at the normal "Mark Examination" speech. "It is probably some photos and mementos that he has collected over the years before he passed away."

Mark simply nodded in response as he remained quiet for the rest of the ride. The Campus soon came into view as the two began to unload the car which quickly happened due to Chad carrying multiple boxes alone.

"I'll go get the last box." Mark said as he left the small dorm room and went for the car.

Chad simply nodded as he examined the room and shrugged. It was slightly bigger then his own which doesn't surprised him. His eye soon caught onto the brown box and a sly smile appeared.

Mark whistled as he opened the door to find Chad pulling old looking books from the brown box until finally he produced a golden scroll. "Chad!"

The athletic young man tensed up at the mention of his name and knowing full well that he was caught. "Dude, chill!" He tried to defend himself as he pointed towards the contents of the box. "It's only books and a weird scroll thingy"

"My books and _Scroll Thingy_" Mark corrected him as he sighed. Chad always had a hard time keeping his hands out of areas where they did not belong. A fine example was right in front of him. Ignoring his intrusive brother Marks set down the remaining box of things and began to read through one of the books. He quickly read through page after page until he noticed Chad trying to open the scroll. "Wait!"

The college student halted as his hand was just about to open the scroll. "For what?"

"Apparently that is what is called a Elder Scroll. A item of immense power beyond any mortals comprehension." He read out loud from the text in the book. He then showed a picture that easily described the scroll.

Chad gave his brother a few moments of silence before laughing in his face. "Are you kiding me? We are in real life and not one of your fantasy computer games. Gramps is pulling your leg." He turned the scroll and tried to read the strange language that was etched along the sides.

Mark could only roll his eyes before picking up another book and divulging into it. It was a spell book of sorts which showed a user throwing a ball of flame. Apparently a weak spell but crucial for beginners to "Magicka". Whenever the young man tried it by pointing his palm towards the open window however nothing happened. Following everything the book described it still seemed hopeless.

"Whatever. If you want to play fight imaginary dragons then have fun by yourself." Chad said as his interest has made it's climax and now was getting dull. He however could not remove his eyes from the scroll. "Are you going to find out what is on that stupid scroll?" Chad asked truly interested but trying to hide it.

"No. Immense power should be hidden from mortals and not used by them" Mark said as he flipped threw another book and trying to extend his hand with nothing happening.

Chad only frowned at the answer before gripping onto the scroll and opening it to see unknown symbols quickly glowing.

"Chad no!" Mark screamed as he grabbed onto his brother's arm. The next moment flashed by instantly but instead of either the boys being there the room was empty. Boxes that yet to be unpacked stood motionless and the two young men gone.

* * *

><p>"Wake up you scum!" A shout woke up Chad as his vision was blurred to his surroundings. "We are almost at Helgen!"<p>

"Chad wake up" A familiar voice said across from the dazed young man.

"Mark? What the hell happened?" Chad tried to speak as his vision finally cleared. Trees covered in snow and a clear sky was above them. His head felt like ten shots of whiskey and an ass kicking.

"You won't believe it if I tell you" Mark said as he sat on the opposite side of the carriage.

Chad was too confused as he gazed around him to wonder who still used carts these days. Was he being kidnapped and being brought to some strange rednecks torture chamber like in some cheap horror flick?

"Shut up back there" The carriage driver ordered as he ushered the horse on.

"Opening that scroll transported us back in time I think" Mark tried to explain as it only seemed like the most likely. The carriage drivers seemed to be dressed in a Roman Imperial uniform or possibly a copy of it.

Chad laughed as he thought this must have been some sort of dream. "Yeah and I'm Godzilla" The young man said as his chuckling died down. "I'm just dreaming but man is it ever life like. Even the rope on my wrist feels real"

"I hope you get hanged first" Mark simply muttered as Chad looked up in a goofy smile.

"Hanged?" Chad asked knowing that didn't sound good. "Oh! Maybe were Gladiators!" He said with a sudden smile as he remembered a certain movie.

"Oh your right and maybe there will be dragons and bar maids with large breasts" Mark said with deep sarcasm trying to relax by putting his head back against the cold wood.

"Mmmmmmm Bar maids" Chad smiled at the idea which made Mark only try to squeeze his eyes shut harder.

A large stone gate appeared before them after they both gave in to silence. Mark observed a few things that bothered him which seem to counteract his earlier guess. The walls seemed less Roman then he remembered and the uniforms from city guards suggested otherwise.

"Wow the women are tall in Rome" Chad noted as he peeked over the sides of his cart. "Hey baby" He winked at one woman before getting a face full of a thrown tomato.

"You deserved that buddy" Mark simply said until his expression fell into despair.

"Your a true comedian" Chad said as he tried to wipe off the red juice with his dirty tunic sleeve. "What's wrong Mark?" He asked as he gazed back up to his step brother. Following his gaze he soon found the source. Even a retard could tell what that axe was meant for.

* * *

><p>"Can't we all be friends here?" Chad asked as his head was placed against the block.<p>

"Chad!" Mark said but was soon silenced by a punch to the gut from one of the guards.

"I hate when your right Mark!" Chad said as he closed his eyes shut and waited for the large blade. It never came however as the man opened one eye to see a large black creature from the nearby tower. "I really hate when your right Mark!" Spouts of flames poured down on the crowd below as the two brothers ran with their hands still tied.

"You two! Inside now!" A voice called out to them which they easily followed choosing not to be out in the open.

"What the hell Mark!" Chad screamed at the top of his lungs in anger. "I knew your Grandfather was a fucking nut bar but this is just insane!"

"Uhhh we should leave now boys" The Stormcloak soldier insisted towards the stairs.

"My Grandfather was a good man!" Mark retorted almost oblivious to the situation. "Did you really think he planned for this to happen?"

"There is a Dragon trying to eat us! I don't want to turn into a BBQ!" The taller man shouted back as he tried to punch his brother in the shoulder.

"Oi! You two shut up and come with me" A man separated the two fighting youths and hauled them to their feet. "You can rip each others throat out after we escape!" The man made a valid point as he began to run up the stairs.

Chad and Mark just nodded their heads and followed the man up until the tower wall caved inwards along with a large mouth the shot hot flames into the tower.

"This is the worst dream I have ever had!" Chad shouted as they waited for the dragon to leave before jumping out of the hole freshly made by the winged beast.

"Look on the bright side. Chicks love battle scars" Mark tried to say with a small spout of laughter.

"How would you know? You never even had a kiss by the opposite sex and your mother doesn't count!" Chad replied as they found themselves meeting up with more of the Imperials who were guarding a small boy.

"You two!" The man said as he pointed with his free hand. His other occupied a sword which seemed to sharp for comfort.

"Run!" The two brothers said together as they ran the opposite way. A moment went by until they returned with a dragon on their tail. The Imperial soldiers went wide eyed as they picked the boy up and ran for their own lives.

"I don't care what you two did as a criminal offense but we need to work together to escape." The balding leader said as he guided them through the burning city as the dead were littered about. The fumes made the two brothers choke for a few moments as the dead and dying were all a little too much for them.

"To the tower! Quick!" The man ushered as the two made their run for the tower door. Easily opening it they dived for the interior as the dragon snapped at them. The Imperial quickly shut the door behind them and breathed out in a small relief.

Chad and Mark however were breathing heavily on the floor. Mark began tapping his feet together and tried reciting the words from Dorothy in an attempt to go home. Chad simply just close his eyes and wished he was at college.

"Get up you two! We have to leave immediately!" The man pulled them to their feet although they protested it. With his sword he easily cut the bindings which brought a couple of smiles before voices could be heard down one of the tunnels leading underground. "We have company! Grab one of the weapons over on the wall."

"You have got to be kidding me" Mark simply said by slouching his arms in protest again. His brother Chad however was already swinging the long sword in practice. "We are going to die"

"Die Imperial scum!" A voice shouted as two men ran into the room with axes raised. "We are the true sons of Skyrim!"

Chad could only do what was natural as he raised the blade to block his opponent as Mark just stood in fright on the side lines. "Do something you nerd!" Chad yelled for help as he struggled to fight his opponent.

Mark however was trying to think. He was not in Rome or any Earthly state because dragons due not exist on Earth. So then maybe the books given to him by his grand father may work here. It was worth a try as the young man extended his hand and concentrated. It was a tingling sensation that ran through his body and the end result was the ball of flame that slammed into the man who was about to swing his axe.

Mark and Chad just watched as the man danced while engulfed in fire. Both their mouths were wide open and as they turned to each other it seemed that things just got complicated. Well, more complicated.

"I can shoot fire from my hands" Mark simply said trying to understand what just happened but failing.

"You just killed a man by lighting him on fire" Chad tried his best as well.

"I just killed a man!" Mark yelled in horror as he knew that this would ruin his career choice dramatically. What was he going to tell his mother?

"I'm telling dad on you!" Chad shouted with an accusing finger.

"Are you milk drinkers done talking?" The Imperial said as he finished off his own foe. "We have to go!" The man ran ahead of them down the tunnel.

Chad only shook his head and chased after him only to turn and look at his brother going through the dead mans pockets. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked as he ran back to stand over him.

"I'm a murderer Chad!" He shouted as if his life was now majorly altered. "I might as well add thievery to it as well!" He pulled his hand out to show a small coin purse that made a distinct sound as Mark shook it slightly.

Chad shut his eyes slightly as he tried to compute what was being done. It wasn't long before Chad had a new helmet and Mark had ten new gold coins. "Does this mean we are grave robbers?" Chad asked as he peeked out around a corner to see the Imperial waving for them to come.

"No, just thieves. We would have to dig up a corpse to be grave robbers or break into a tomb" Mark corrected his brother as if they were driving in his car again.

"Ok. For some bizarre reason that makes me feel better" Chad smiled as they caught up to the Imperial. Battles raged and a bear was pissed off as they fight to escape the small town but in the end they soon found day light.

"What is that smell?" Chad asked as the Imperial sniffed the air and turned to Mark. "Did you piss yourself?"

"I hate spiders" Mark simply said trying to ignore both the men who tried to hide their laughter.

"I owe you boys thanks. I would be dead if it wasn't for your help even though waking that bear was probably a bad idea" The Imperial said as he pat both of the young boys backs.

"Yeah _Chad_" Mark said as he crossed his arms in annoyance.

"We killed it and we now have a bear pelt. I fail to see what was so bad here" Chad tried to back his reasoning up.

"You yelled 'Launch the Bear Calvary!' while charging it with your sword and shield" Mark said easily finding what was wrong with that scenario.

"Your just jealous that I killed a bear with my sword and you didn't" Chad said with a large smile.

"Now now boys. We have to move before more Rebels come to this area or perhaps worse" The Imperial broke the vocal fight up and started to move down the road. The young men simply huffed before giving up and following after.

* * *

><p>"This is Riverwood. There is a Tavern up ahead which you can relax at but this is where we split up. I must return to my commander with this grave news and warn him" The Imperial said as he gave their shoulders a small squeeze. "You should join the Imperial Legion. We always need fresh soldiers to fight the rebels"<p>

"I don't think so." Mark immediately shut the man down as Chad gave him a odd expression. "We have more important matters to attend to. Good day sir" Mark waved good bye as he turned to Chad that seemed confused. "We have to go home you retard"

"Oh yeah" Chad said as if he had forgotten. It almost seemed as if he was enjoying being in this foreign world.

"Ok let's head to the Tavern for the night and try to figure things out." Mark said as he rubbed his temples to relieve his headache. "Pray to god that this is some sort of bad dream"

Chad only nodded his head as he turned and opened the door for both of them only to intrude on two people fighting. One behind the counter and the other in a nearby chair. "Oh sorry for the intrusion" Chad said sheepishly as he tried to back out before the man called out to him from behind the counter.

"No no! Please come in!" The man said as he switched a anger frown for a smile in a instant. "What kind of item are you boys interested in? I have a new blade that came in today!" The man tried to barter which Mark caught onto quickly but Chad only saw something shiny.

As Chad felt the weight of the blade and smiled, Mark was interested in the argument moments before. "Did you lose something recently?" He asked curiously.

"No" The shop keep said sighing. "We had a break in a few days ago but they only took one thing from me. It was a ornamental dragon claw that some bandits stole. They are up at the Barrows on the mountain"

"We could get it for you" Chad said suddenly as he placed the sword back down on the table.

"God dammit" Mark muttered in frustration.


End file.
